Holy Shit: Time Passes, People Grow. Really?

Peace,

I first created this blog in 2007.  I used it mostly as a journal to help me get through some tough emotional times.  At the time I was in law school, in a failing relationship, didn't have any money, and didn't have a clue where my life was headed.  But I was always sure that good things were right around the corner so I just kept on choogin' toward a finish line I could not see and could not prove existed.  You could say I pushed forward on faith alone.

So, where are things today?  As I read all the blog posts (94) of them I had posted back in 2007-2008 one thing stood out to me.  While they have taken different form, basically I was worried and stressed back then about the exact same shit I'm worried about now.  Will I get a job?  Will I run out of money?  What's next? Where do I go from here?  What is life all about?  Am I doing the right thing?  Who does he think he is?  Why is there evil?

It seems to me that in one way or another I've been asking the same questions forever now.  Am I any closer to the "truth?"  The answer to that has to be no.  Do I feel less anxiety about shit?  The answer to that has to be no as well.  Since the last time I posted on this blog lots of big things have happened in my life.  I began a new career with a real job and everything, I got married, I moved to a new city, and lots of other transformative and non-transformative shit has happened too. 

The point is that all the while all this big change was going on I still deep down inside wonder about the same basic stuff and I'm no closer to understanding any of it.  How freaking frustrating!

So here's what I propose.  I'm going to write on here from time to time.  I'm going to think online (instead of out loud) and just type from where the heart meets the mind.  I'm not going to put any pressure on myself to be interesting or to draw and maintain a readership.  I'm definitely not going to commit to writing on a regular basis or on any sort of schedule whatsoever.  This will be my space to do whatever I want.  No rules.  Anyone is welcome to read and comment but I'll do with that whatever I want as well.  Most importantly of all, no spellcheck ever.  No exceptions.