Desk Jockey

Peace,

So I'm sitting at this desk working for the pinnacle organization in my profession.  I sit just down the hall from the Boss Hog who answers to no one else but himself.  In fact, it is my job to advise Boss Hog on what to do and how to do it.  Five years into my career and I've reached the mountain top.  I should be pleased, right?


Nope.  I don't think I've ever been less inspired and more discouraged at a job.  I hate the politics of leadership offices, I hate the trappings of power, I hate the unecessary amount of hours it takes to make the simplest decisions, I hate Parkinson's Law and how everyone around here seems to subscribe to it--SO ANNOYING!

Ok, maybe "hate" isn't the right word but I assure you I'm not pleased.  I've climbed the ladder very quickly.  In a lot of ways, my career just kind of took on a life of its own and I was just tagging along for the ride.  Bad move.  Now I ask myself: Did I make the right choices for me?  Why am I here?  Where do I really want to be?

I think at a minimum I've figured out that "leadership," at least in the form that I experience it now, is not for me.  Self-aggrandizement, egos, power trips, all of this surrounds me everyday.  But on the inside, these people are empty.  The city is empty.  Soulless.  


Big moves up ahead though.  I think I have a plan.  I'm going to be patient and take it one step at a time.  It's hard to be patient when you want out though!  You start to feel trapped, like your drowning and everyone around you is oblivious or worse than oblivious they are telling me that I should be happy and feel lucky to be drowning.  The whole thing is ridiculous.  I want to go back to my roots.  I want to revisit that core strength that helped me get this far and channel it in a way that helps me accomplish the things I want to do.  Granted, I'm still trying to figure out what those are but better to spend my time exploring my interests that pursuing the interests of others in the spirit of collegiality and advancement.  I don't want to get ahead by keeping my head down.  What does "get ahead" even mean?  It's a stupid concept if you ask me.  The thing I should be focusing on is not getting ahead but instead getting the things that matter done.  First on that list today: buying the wife a birthday card.